


Adore You

by MyMyMadeline



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hallmark Christmas Movie, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy as hell, Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies, Minor panic attack, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, reader is a bamf business queen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21932830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMyMadeline/pseuds/MyMyMadeline
Summary: I'd walk through fire for youJust let me adore you-Hallmark Movie AU-After fifteen years away building a tech empire, you're headed home to your small town of Echo Basin for the holidays. You don't have time, room, or patience for a relationship. But your high school crush, now town mechanic Poe Dameron, might just change your mind.-"He’s instantly beautiful in an almost familiar way, like you could call his features home."
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader, Poe Dameron/You
Comments: 43
Kudos: 64





	1. Someone New

**Author's Note:**

> A HUGE thanks to my sun and stars Cat for helping me so much and being the other parent to our fic baby.
> 
> Literally couldn't do this without you.
> 
> Happy Holidays!

“Well I don’t care _how_ it gets done, it just needs to get done! As long as it’s legal, I'm fine with it, and if it’s illegal, well I'm sure we can find a way to work around that.” 

If you hadn’t already kicked off your heels behind your desk twenty minutes ago, you’re sure your feet would be aching from the frantic pacing that’s now ruining your office carpet. The curtains are open to the bustling concrete metropolis outside, the massive height of the building giving you all the privacy you need. Uncertain sunshine slips from massive clouds and tentative rays rest on your carpet. 

“Enjoying your final day at work, I see.” Kylo smiles mockingly at you from the doorway of your office. Your frantic strides come to an irritated halt and you squeeze the phone next to your ear a little tighter.

“Just text me when it’s done. Don’t even call, I don’t care.” Hanging up before they can answer with a firm, unsatisfying press of your finger, you level your gaze with Kylo’s irritatingly smug face.

“What could you possibly want right now, Kylo?” You have to hold yourself back from rolling your eyes. Letting him onto your annoyance would only spur him on and you really don’t need that right now.

He crosses his arms and leans on the doorframe, carefully crafting the picture of power. “It just seems to me like leaving town is causing you so much stress. It might just be easier to stay.” He shrugs. 

“Ha. And you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You raise your brow at him, putting as much taunting venom in your voice, hopefully without devolving into an actual argument. “Me giving up my first real vacation in years to stay and do more busywork, while you gallivant around with some… hmm more models, will it be this year?” 

Kylo scoffs, obviously enjoying this sparring much more than you. But a rare softness takes over his tone. “You know, you could always come with me.”

This catches you off guard. You haven’t seen this kind of tone from him in a long time. Not since before everything went down in burning wreckage between you two. 

You level your gaze with his meaningfully, keeping your voice smooth but unemotional. 

“I think that would be a bad idea.”

Any sincerity in Kylo’s features goes as quickly as it came, he shrugs it off like it disturbed him to even know it still exists within him. His petulant yet teasing smugness takes over as natural as the clouds over the sun. 

“Yeah, well, don’t say I didn’t try. Anyway, hardly a vacation, spending a month in that pathetic, run-down rat-hole. I forgot, did they get wifi there yet?” 

Moving away from Kylo, you pace back over to your desk, turning your phone meditatively between your hands. “You act like you didn’t grow up there too.” 

Echo Basin was not a major town by any means. In fact, both you and Kylo spent all of graduate school telling people you were from Yavin just to spare the confused looks and odd questions. But while Kylo only ever pulled further away from your hometown and the people in it, you often pondered what life would have been like if you’d stayed. But it was never more than a thought, as the business at hand was always more pressing and besides, you were successful here. What more could you ask for?

“We _lived_ there for the first 18 years of our lives. We _grew up_ at Imperial U.” Kylo snaps you out of your brief reverie and brings your attention back to his now clearly disinterested demeanor, as he scrolls through his phone. “Whatever, it’s your ‘vacation.’ As long as you don’t end up like that traitor.” He pauses, about to elaborate before he shakes his head and continues scrolling. “Still, we have a meeting with Hux approximately... four minutes ago. So, whenever you’re ready, princess.” 

You turn away from him, to the window and look out among the bustling streets and impassive skyscrapers of the city. The few rays of sunshine in your office have taken off, leaving the room colder than usual. Dark clouds look to be rolling in from the east. You faintly recall the weatherman standing next to a big snowflake on the TV this morning. You didn’t believe him before. 

“Sure. I’ll meet you there.” 

_____________

You give your best death glare to the array of lights flashing at you from the dashboard. They blink meaningfully, as if you have a clue what any of them mean, as snow continues to pelt the windows of the car. The hours long drive has exhausted your vision and the windshield is slowly becoming a wall of white. Maybe you should have invested in those 5 Hour Energies after all. Your assistant had offered to buy you an array of energy supplements or drinks for the trip, but in a foolish attempt to not show any weakness in front of employees and peers, you refused. Ah, hubris. 

Still, you drive on, heat blasting to offset the nearly year-round chill of your hometown and do your best to keep a positive attitude. But that attitude only proves more difficult to keep as the wheels of your precious TIE give an unpleasant bump and the sleet lined road is finally starting to make you chew your lip.

“Come on. Only a few more miles to go.” You gently goad your car, pointedly ignoring the GPS and its remaining 80 miles. 

The car answers only with another lurching screech. Then a sputter. Then a whine.

The noises pause, as if waiting for a reply. 

“Don’t you dare,” you whisper. But your threat only comes out as a plea. 

Without your permission and seemingly out of spite, the car sputters and begins to slow, your frantic attempts on the gas giving no support. Continuing forward with only your momentum, you manage to gently steer your beloved, stupid car off towards the snowy treeline purely on instinct.

Out in the snow, on this one-lane highway, as the sun sets at 4:00 PM on a Friday, your car stops moving. 

You sit in the stalled vehicle, as frozen as the miles of nothingness around you. _You’re going to die here._ Your shaking hands clutch the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip and you let out an angered scream worthy of an Academy Award. You just wish you were acting. 

You manage to scream yourself out of breath, but the stupid thought won’t go away. _You’re going to die here._ What a stupid childish thought. You’ll be fine, just act like an adult. 

“Ok, ok. Calm down. You’re not far from town. Grow up and find out what’s wrong with your car like a reasonable car owner.” You reach for the door handle and are met with only another gust of wind, pushing all of the snow it can carry in your direction and your body shivers at the mere idea.

“Ok, maybe just call someone.” 

Your phone is a lot of things. You’ve spent countless hours with it scrolling through stocks, shouting at people, being shouted at, scoffing at idiotic articles that don’t know the first thing about you. In fact, it's probably your only friend. And now, in the middle of nowhere, it feels like a lifeline. 

Your brain briefly recalls the fuzzy image of the old auto shop you would sometimes pass while getting groceries all those years ago, but whatever name was on the sign escapes you. So you’re left with dialing the first place that shows up on Google and crossing your fingers. 

_Ring_

_Ring_

“Pick up.”

_Ring_

“Please.”

_Click._

“Rebel Auto, this is Rose. How can I help you?” 

A cheerful woman’s voice answers at the end of a laugh, as if joking around had kept her from picking up. You sigh in relief, but are quietly alarmed as the fact that you can see your breath already. The car is cooling quickly. 

Without a second thought, you put on the ‘phone call voice’ you’ve mastered for over a decade and get straight to the point. 

“Yes, Hi. My car has just broken down on the main highway, just after mile...” you turn around try to note the mile marker, but the fog on the inside and the snow on the outside are doing everything they can to make your job impossible. “77? I believe? Anyway, I need a tow into town and a repair as soon as possible. Thank you.”

“Oh.” The woman seems caught off guard at your brusk and smooth tone. There’s a sound of shuffling papers and she clears her throat. “Yes, ma’am. We’ll send someone out immediately. I-In the meantime can you identify your make and model?”

Immediately. Perfect, at least if you freeze, there will be someone close enough to find your body. With another breath of relief, you allow yourself to actually relax, even examine your nails. Damn, when did you get that chip on the thumb?

“Yes, it’s a 2021 TIE Striker. And if you’re going to ask me what the problem is, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about cars. It was driving and then it wasn’t.” 

“A… TIE Striker? Wow… Uhm-” Rose seems at a momentary loss for words, you’re not quite sure why. “Not often people drive TIEs and not know anything about cars.” She laughs. You don’t. 

“Well, Rose if that’s all I-” Something about the name coming out of your mouth gives you pause. Dots that you didn’t know were there start to connect. 

“Wait, Rose? Rose... Tico?”

“Uhm…” her gulp is audible through the phone. “Yes?”

Now is when you laugh. You almost feel dumb enough to smack yourself on the forehead. Almost.

You clear your throat and put on your best impression of Ms. Holdo.

“Ms. Tico this is Honors English, _not_ shop class. If you could _please_ put away your… _creation._ ”

You wait with bated breath. You’re not even really sure if you remember how to make jokes anymore but you do remember this one from so long ago. _Don’t make me look crazy._

You get the reaction you were looking for and then some. 

“ **_NO WAY_ ****!** ”

It’s your only warning before something your _pretty_ sure is your name is squealed out on the other end of the line, so loudly in fact that you have to hold your phone a good distance away to avoid permanent ear damage. 

A grin, half pleased, half cringing, spreads across your face as the squealing continues.

“Yes, it’s me,” you laugh. 

“Oh my _god._ Are you back? Does this mean your back? I saw you on the cover of Wired! You looked _hot_!”

“Rose, one question at a time!” The bombardment usually irks you, interviewers or paparazzi stumbling over themselves just to get some dirt. But this kind feels oddly… nice? It feels genuine. Like she’s asking because she likes you. But… that can’t be the case, can it?

“Sorry, sorry!” You can practically hear her calming herself down. “Ugh, it’s just so cool to have you back in town. You _are_ back in town right? That’s why you’re stuck on the highway?”

“Yeah. It’s my parents' thirty-fifth anniversary and I haven’t been back in about fifteen years… I thought it might be time.” 

“Oh man, I can’t wait to see you! This is going to be so fun.” The heartfelt warmth of her tone makes the chilling air around you just that more bearable. But a sound cuts through from wherever she is and she turns back to friendly business. “Anyway, I’ll let you go, but I’ll see you at the shop soon! Poe left about five minutes ago, so he’s on his way. Bye!”

“Oh, alright. Uhm, bye.”

You hear a few excited giggles before the beep cuts them off, leaving you in the silent car once again, with a strange hollowness sitting sickly in your chest. It wouldn’t have been so bad to just talk a little longer. But, that was odd, wasn’t it? Maybe it only felt odd because... you couldn’t remember the last time a friend had called. When was the last time you spoke to someone who seemed to actually care about you? 

Shaking your thoughts from the uneasy turn of conscious, you turned out to the sunset that has been steadily falling for the past half hour. Blinking tiredly, you hope that whoever is coming for you is quick. You attempt to recall the name she gave but it has already fallen to the back of your mind. Closing your eyes, you think it might not be a bad idea to get a tiny nap in meanwhile. Just a tiny one. Not a big -

______________

A rumbling that shakes the car jerks you out of your peaceful rest, and you shiver, the car much colder than you remember. Looking around, it’s quickly apparent your nap was _much_ longer than the ‘tiny’ one you had so stupidly planned. It’s pitch black, the forest completely dark around you, and the only light comes from the bright headlights heading straight your way. Blinking groggily, you shield your eyes to the approaching vehicle, but the lights begin turning away, as the large truck appears to pull a U-turn, pulling in front of your car. 

Oh, thank god. Your savior has arrived.

A figure steps out of what you can now see is a tow truck. A flashlight leads their way in the treacherous snow as they approach, and you step out to greet them. The bitter chill hits you instantly causing a visceral shiver to overtake your body.

“You alright there?” A warm, slightly scratched voice cuts across the wind, and your assuring smile only comes out as a grimace. 

“It’s just freezing is all.”

“We’ll see if we can get you warmed up then.”

You and the man meet halfway, only a few feet apart, and with your eyes steadily adjusting and the bright moonlight above, you can now make out his features.

Dashing is the only word that comes to mind as your brain short circuits. He is _handsome._ He’s instantly beautiful in an almost familiar way, like you could call his features home. Warm and gorgeous dark eyes blink back in their own caught-off-guard way, as you finally come back into the moment at hand and the man standing before you.

“Wow.” He speaks in something close to a whisper, and it’s almost lost to the wind. But he clears his throat before you can ask what has him so thrown. 

“You -uh- called the auto shop right?” He drags his eyes away from you and over to your sad, slumped over TIE behind you. You tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear and drop your gaze, nodding.

“Yes. That was me. Sorry for all the trouble.” 

You suddenly feel very foolish and very embarrassed. You had expected some no one townie, not this heartthrob that could have easily replaced Errol Flynn in any of his biggest features. Having him drive all the way out in this weather just to take care of your stupid car feels very rude, and you suddenly wish you knew more about cars.

“Why don’t you get situated up front and I’ll get this set up back here?”

Sneaking a glance back up, you meet his eyes and quickly look away again, nodding once more. 

“Sure.”

You go to move past him, making a good few feet of footprints in the snow when a thought shoots through your brain at light speed and you’re jogging back to your car as fast as your designer boots will take you. You should have invested in a better pair of boots for the snow it seems because you don't make it very far before your front foot slips out from under you and your arms fly out looking for anything to grasp onto.

But Poe’s are quicker, instantly their firm grasp has a hold around you and your fall is cut short as you are held tightly against him. 

His breath comes out as a chuckle and he looks down at you, “What’s the hurry?”

You laugh slightly too, quickly righting yourself and trying to purge the memory of his arms around you and how nice it felt. 

“I forgot my bags is all.” 

Without a second glance, you march, much more carefully this time, towards the back of your car.

Poe runs a hand through his curly snow-flecked hair, smirking to himself. 

Ok, this could be interesting. 


	2. (Re)Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I used to be from here, and now I’m not.” ___

“I’m Poe, by the way.”

You look up from fiddling meaninglessly with your phone, trying to distract yourself from the handsome mechanic driving you through the snow. His truck is warm and lived in, with little decorations spotted about. A charm dangles from the mirror, a picture of a dog sits stuck in the dashboard. The radio plays a Christmas song loud enough to hear, but too quiet to actually listen to.

“Oh, right.” You give him your name, to which he nods understandingly, as if it’s a piece of important information, rather than something he’ll forget in a few hours’ time. 

“Gave Rose quite a scare back at the shop with the whole Ice Queen routine. She’s more used to the townies and their… overly friendly attitudes, you could say.” He laughs, but there’s a hint of seriousness and curiosity in it. 

“That’s just how I talk on the phone, especially regarding business.” You look down at your nails, picking at them ~~nervously~~. “But, I guess we both warmed up when we finally recognized each other.” He quirks a brow at that. 

“You from around here? We don’t see a lot of TIEs around Echo Basin.” He glances over at you, smiling as if trying to share a little joke, and you remember a similar comment made by Rose on the phone. 

“Everyone is so obsessed with my car, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just a thing.” 

Perhaps you let too much irritation into your tone because Poe’s tone quickly goes apologetic. 

“Oh no, it isn’t a big deal. We just don’t get a lot of outsiders. The Base can get kinda protective sometimes.”

 _The Base_. The corners of your lips tug a little at that. It’s the stupid but still sweet nickname the locals use for the town. You used to call it that, in fact, all the way up until grad school. You still remember the disdain in Kylo’s voice as he lectured you on the idiocy and small-town ignorance that the phrase supposedly represents. You stopped calling it the Base after that.

“No… I think I get it.” You nod and smile softly at him, pulling a sweet smile of his own from Poe, his eyes crinkling at their edges.

“And… about if I’m from around here, I guess I used to be, if that makes any sense?”

He smiles and nods again. “No, yeah. I get that.”

He stays with that smile, looking out the windshield for a moment before he breaks.

“Actually no, I have no idea what that means,” he admits.

That drags a genuine laugh from you, and he looks over at you obviously caught off guard by your laughter, but beaming proudly at the idea that he could be the reason for it. 

Your hand covers your mouth as you attempt to reign in your giggling, and something in Poe’s heart tugs at the impression that you would feel the need to shield your happiness from him, or anyone for that matter.

Steadying your breaths, you pull in your cheeks and push the laughter away. But you respond with a lighter spirit than he’s seen all night. 

“Well, it means I used to be from here, and now I’m not. I’m in Coruscant now. I have been for a long time.”

Poe’s gaze is curious, like a puzzle in his mind is coming together, but still a long way from finished. He scratches his stubble.

“Just because you don’t live here doesn’t mean you’re not from here. Places like this follow you, even if you don’t want them to.”

You laugh again, but this time it’s hollow and utterly humourless. “Yeah, you can say that again.”

Poe’s gaze narrows, still curious. 

“You don’t like the Base?”

You tilt your head around, weighing your answers, trying to find an answer that can even attempt to encapsulate the complicated truth. 

“I did. But it’s such a small part of the world. I had to leave,” you gaze out into the snowy night, trying to find your answer in the cold indifference of the snow-covered trees. “I had to go _do_ something. Make something. Change things.”

The silence is short, but it hangs.

“Did you?” It’s not snide or teasing, it’s asked softly, with weight and honesty.

Your smile is small. “I did. I have… I am.”

Poe doesn’t answer, he doesn’t need to. He only nods. The truck is overcome with a comfortable silence. The radio still plays.

______________

**  
  
**

The town lights begin to approach over the dark horizon, the glittering yellows and whites, with the occasional red and green thrown in. If there was one thing the town was never accused of, it was subtlety. Being at least six inches in snow nearly year-round made the town only slightly obsessed with the holiday season. Nevermind that half the decorations never came down. 

An unfightable wave of nostalgia hits you, and you find that, for once, you’re not that opposed to it. Familiarity, home, a sense of _belonging_ are not things you feel very often, and although they’re not feelings you are quite consumed with at the moment, you feel the kernels of those emotions planting themselves in your heart, waiting to blossom. 

From the moment you stepped foot in the car with Poe, something felt oddly familiar right away, but it couldn’t really be what you thought, could it?

“Should I drop you off at one of the motels?” Poe’s voice jolts you out of your pensive thoughts. You turn your gaze to his profile and suddenly remember how handsome he is. ~~As if you could forget~~.

“We don’t really have _hotels_ here, and I figured we could do all the car talking in the morning, since you had a long drive and all.” He looks to you and smiles kindly. You turn away.

“No, actually I’m staying with my parents. They still have my old room set up the way it was when I was a kid, so that should be fun.” 

Your tone is cold, even slightly sarcastic, but it doesn’t stop Poe from letting out a short, almost disbelieving chuckle. 

“Ok, so you _are_ from here. See, it’s not that confusing.”

You don’t bother hiding the roll of your eyes, but you do try to keep the corners of your lips from twitching. 

“Sure. Ok, Poe.” You turn your gaze out the window on your right, but he catches your smile in the reflection.

“Can I have the address?” His tone teases, but you can already tell that teasing back with him is a dangerous game. A game that could lead to something you don’t need right now. So you keep your voice even.

“1890 Kershner Road.”

When he doesn’t answer, you look over to get some sort of affirming nod or gesture, signaling he knows it. But he only sits with an odd almost squinting expression. 

“Really?”

“What do you mean _really_? That’s just my parents’ house.”

The look he gives you is incredulous. But also… entertained?

“What? What’s that look, what’s wrong?”

He glances briefly at the road before turning to you again, and when he looks at you, it’s with new eyes. He whispers, “Really…” 

You can only sit, giving him a bewildered expression and a shake of your head. “What?”

He nods to himself, giving you a once over. “Wow.”

Smiling, he focuses back on the road, chuckling gently. “Ok then.”

You want to continue questioning him, but something keeps you from pushing on. He stills smiles to himself, the smirk seeming almost permanently attached to his face, but in his eyes there’s something almost… sad. Disappointed. Hurt?

Was it something you said? Something you did? He was so genuine before, but now he’s hiding. Normally seeing that kind of expression on someone’s face meant you had a job well done, but something about this handsome townie makes you self conscious. It’s not a feeling you like. 

You want to say something. Seeing that light in his eyes dim even just a little rings a hollowness in your own chest. But you’re not good with people. Not like that. So you look the other way, and let the silence take over once again. 

______________

The houses on the streets start to become slowly more familiar. Structures you can remember running past with groups of friends, places you remember shedding your tears behind after particularly rough patches of high school, homes and parties you remember desperately wishing to be invited into. 

This town and its memories are bittersweet and you’ve yet to decide if you’re actually _glad_ to be back. 

Every house is decorated in its own way, blinking lights reflecting off the bright snow in red and green, blue and white, with a number of lawn ornaments waving at you as you pass. There is a certain… _morale_ boost that comes from decorations, you realize. Kylo always shuddered at the thought of ‘fun’ decorations in the office, and outright banned any for the holiday season. You never argued. No point.

You gaze over at Poe who still drives with that small comfortable smile on his face, as if simply _living_ and _being_ _here_ is enough of a reason to be happy. The passing lights dance across his features and a strange reluctant feeling sits with you. You’re actually going to miss this little private drive between the two of you. 

Poe serves as an unexpected warm and comfortable barrier between you and facing the real world again. Facing your _family_. Facing the strange feelings this town and the people in it give you. In this truck, you can simply sit in comfortable silence, with small bouts of pleasant, if not teasing, conversation. 

But all things must end. Especially the pleasant ones. 

A house still more familiar than the back of your hand comes into focus in the passenger window. Not even the decorations have changed. 

Poe shifts the truck into park, stopping in front of the bright red door. 

“Here we are.” 

“Here we are,” you repeat, if only to ground yourself in the truth that _yes, you are back._

Poe looks across to you, giving you another once over, but his pleasant expression is overcast with the concern in his eyes.

“You okay?”

Not returning his gaze, you let out a shaking breath, nodding. 

“Just fine.”

After a moment of tense silence, you glance up at Poe. His jaw twitches and he opens his mouth, about to say something before his eyes pull up and away, something behind you catching his eye. Turning back, you struggle to keep down the instinct to slouch as far into the chair as possible. Out from the wreathed door, your parents bound out like excited elderly puppies in their godforsaken matching sweaters. Nothing in this town ever changes. 

Poe doesn’t seem to share your chagrin. He laughs loudly, grinning and rolling down the passenger window, nevermind your expression pleading him to do very much the opposite (something like lock the doors and drive as far the truck will take you). 

“Hey, guys! It’s good to see you again!” Poe laughs and waves out the window. 

“You know them?”

Your question is drowned out as your father pushes up to the door and yanks it open, your mother dragging you out of the car and into a hug so tight, you’re afraid you might pass out. Shocked frozen in her grasp, you have to consciously remember to return her hug. You bring one shaking arm up to her back and she squeezes even harder, if that was even possible. 

Despite Poe’s continued laughter in the background and your absolute mortification at the coordination of your parents’ attack, the comfort in her embrace comes quicker than you expect and you find yourself actually leaning into it. 

A sudden wetness tickling your cheek makes you pull away from your mother, holding her at arm’s length. Tears glisten on her face and she quickly moves to wipe them away.

“Oh… god… Mom.”

She shakes her head with a sniffle, but pats you on the cheek. Her hands are cold. “I’m fine, really, I’m fine. _I_ _missed you_.”

Her sudden outburst of emotion keeps you rooted to the snow. You’re not very good with emotional people. You might have ~~not so~~ accidentally unlearned that technique in business school.

An abrupt smack on your shoulder jerks you forward as your father claps you informally on the back, like you’ve just won your first pod race. “Glad to have you home, sweetheart.” 

Even with his casual attitude, he sounds just a bit choked up. You almost turn to say something, but behind you, you hear your mother singing her praises into the window of the truck. 

“Oh, Poe. Thank you so much for getting our little girl home _safe_! It just means so much to us. Really, after _everything_ you’ve done for us and the Base. You’re just so sweet.”

“It’s really not a problem, she was a good passenger.”

Turning around you shuffle back over to the truck, pulling up next to your mother and being sure to fit yourself into the frame of the window.

“Wait, wait, I still don’t get it. Do you guys know each other? Like, well?”

Poe’s smile turns just subtly uncomfortable, only your train eyed catching the minute shift, and your mother looks at you with an incredulous expression. She says your name in a beratingly motherly tone and you dread the information she is about to give you. 

“You don’t? For God’s sake, you went to Erso Memorial together!” 

“I…” Your brain suddenly short circuits. Any retort dries on your tongue like sand. Highschool? Oh no.

Poe Dameron.

God damn it. 

Poe _fucking_ Dameron. 

How could you _forget_. How could you not _remember_. How could you _ride in a car with him for hours_ and not recognize your own high school crush. 

You really don’t want to, but you look back at Poe, who’s smile has gone from vaguely uncomfortable to fully awkward. He tugs subconsciously at the chain around his neck and shrugs as if to say _I know, right?_

“Hello… Poe.”

“Hey.”

“You are absolutely hopeless.” Your mother squeezes your shoulder and turns away shaking her head, departing back towards your father, who, during the awkward encounter, managed to grab your bags from the back and make his way onto the porch.

Sighing, you turn to Poe. “I’m… sorry.”

He laughs again, this time soft, genuine, and it comforts you. The awkwardness has already passed for him. It might as well pass for you. 

“Nothing to apologize for. Really, I didn’t even recognize you at first either. We… didn’t really know each other that well, did we?”

You chuckle and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He smiles just the smallest bit wider.

“Yeah, well, I look different without the braces. And… no, not really… But, thank you again for the ride. I’ll come by tomorrow for the paperwork and the payment and… all that. Thanks, Poe.”

You decide in that moment that you like saying his name. He decides that he likes hearing you say it. 

“Yeah… yeah. I’ll see you.” His gaze his gentle and his smile is crooked. You really could look at him all day. 

He leans forward a bit and you’re so lost in his eyes you don’t even see their shift into deviousness. His smirk is so teasing it’s almost wicked.

“Glad to have you home, _sweetheart_.” 

It takes you a second before you’re snapped out of your daze, furrowing your brows with mouth agape, but eventually, you’re no longer able to suppress the upward tug on the corners of your mouth. A call back to your father’s distinctive awkwardness was so uncalled for. Especially when it has you so flustered.

His eyes twinkle as he sits back, laughing. Waving a short goodbye to your parents and sending you an absolutely diabolical wink, he takes off with your stupid, expensive, broken car in tow. 

This vacation is going to be _torturous_. ~~In the best way~~.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kind comments on chapter 1! Happy New Year!


	3. You Come Along and Follow Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There, in his eyes, you find your first real comfort since coming back.”

Leaning your back against the door with a sigh, you finally survey your childhood home for the first time in fifteen years. Your parents move about regularly, your father dropping your bags by the stairs, your mother taking a seat on the couch near the fire. You wait for your instincts to take you, the ones that kick in whenever you come home seemingly no matter how long you’ve been away. But they don’t. You can only stand in the doorway, flexing your hands to rid them of the snow chill. 

“Oh goodness, come sit. You look like we’re about to torture you,” your mother beckons from the couch. She sits looking at you over the back of the couch, the fire lighting her playful expression. Resigning yourself once again to the idea that you’re _really here_ , you half-heartedly shrug and head over, setting yourself on the seat of the couch she pats invitingly.

“So… Poe’s gotten quite handsome hasn’t he?”

“Oh god, Mom. Seriously? Right away?”

“I’m just saying!” She defends herself, laughing and raising her hands in mock surrender. “He was always good looking, _you_ know that. But ever since he’s gotten back from the military, he’s only ever looked better. We should invite him to dinner tomorrow night! To thank him of course. He used to come around much more often and it’s been a while since we’ve seen him.”

You shake your head, looking down as you fumble with your hands contemplatively. Your smile is only there to be polite. “You trying to set me up or something?”

She huffs in that motherly way of hers, and the way her expression turns you know exactly what’s coming out of her mouth next. It seems to be one of her favorite subjects with how often she brings it up. “Maybe, who knows. It’s just… I know your divorce was hard on you.”

“It’s not a divorce if you never actually got married, Mom.” You could have this conversation beat for beat in your sleep, you’ve said these words so many times. 

She opens her mouth but your phone rings in place of whatever she was about to say, probably along the lines of ‘But it still hurts doesn’t it?’

Reaching into your coat pocket, the name _‘Hux’_ shines at you from your screen. 

“I’ve got to take this, but I’m heading to bed anyway. See you tomorrow morning.”

Your mother opens her mouth again, this time stumbling over her words, caught off guard. 

“Oh, well, I- Goodnight, love. See you in the morning.”

You’re already answering your phone and on your way up the stairs when she sends a saddened shake of her head at your father, who only offers a typical shrug in reply. 

______________

Shivering against the cold, you pull your coat tighter around you. You thank everything that’s out there that the town auto shop is only a short walk from your home, you can’t stand the thought of having your parents dropping you off like some kind of child on their way to school. However, the shortness of the walk does nothing to shield you from the onslaught of wind and snow pelting you the whole way. 

You pass shops you recognize and a few you don’t. A worrying amount of real estate signs sit out amongst many of the houses and shops go by. It seems you’re not the only one fleeing the stagnation of this small town. However, that only seems to rally the remaining town folk, knitting the community even tighter together. 

The town isn’t exactly _dying._ But it certainly isn’t quite what it was in your memories from so long ago. 

You’re nearing the shop, near Main street, the decently sized ‘ _Rebel Auto’_ sign growing larger in your vision. The garage doors are closed against the snowy onslaught, the few cars stuck in the lot already buried deep in the snow. You spot the now familiar tow truck you rode into town with Poe in among the cars fenced into the lot, and just the sight of it spreads a warmth through your chest.

The bell _dings_ as you push the office door open and you’re immediately greeted with the sounds of a barking dog and something that sounds like folk music pouring in from the garage. The somewhat small but homey front room is empty, and you venture forward, calling out.

“Hello?”

The question of the dog is answered immediately when a mass of curly auburn fur skirts around the corner of the doorway to the garage and straight towards you. You only have time to recognize the pup as the same dog from the picture on Poe’s dashboard, before you’re tackled to the ground by the overeager, still barking canine. 

The music from the garage cuts out and the dog stops barking only to assault your face with a barrage of wet, sloppy licks. 

“BB, you better not be-”

Poe’s raised voice carries over the loud slobbering currently happening on your face and you can hear his half jog from the garage over to your new home on the floor. 

“BB, come on, we talked about this,” he grumbles to the dog, wrenching him by the collar from his loving attack. With the live weight now off your chest, you sit up, wiping the drool from your face and praying your makeup is still intact.

“I’m really so sorry about him, but I’m not gonna lie and say he doesn’t do this often.” Poe squats down, holding the excited dog and his wagging tail at bay with one hand and extending the other towards you. You smile politely, taking his hand, but make sure to take note of the embarrassed blush creeping up his cheeks and ears. 

“It’s really okay. He’s very sweet.”

You eye him as you both sit hand in hand for a moment, taking in his deep orange mechanic’s jumpsuit with its arms tied around his waist and the ring that swings freely from the chain around his neck. His plain white shirt is smeared with dirt and a drop of oil, but what catches your eye is the dark smudge on his forehead, just reaching into the hairline of his dark curls. 

You catch yourself staring at the same moment he does and you quickly avert your gaze, his smile widening as he finds a blush of your own dusting your cheeks. 

He finally pulls you up with him, his hand lingering on yours another moment longer, before he quickly shoves that same hand into the pocket of his work suit. Gathering yourself, you push a strand of hair behind your ear, your smile shifting from polite to genuine. He doesn’t miss the change.

“Uhm… anyway, I’m here for the paperwork and the payment and… all that.”

This seems to snap him out of… whatever that previous moment was and he nods towards the garage, indicating that you should follow him as he starts to head back that way.

“Yeah, of course. Here, I’ll show you what’s going on right now.” 

He begins walking, a tail-wagging BB at his heel, and you follow close behind, taking in your surroundings as you go. The shop is warm and homey, pictures, papers, and cups strewn about, lending the shop its lived in look. As you walk, one picture, stuck with some kind of putty to the wall, catches your eye and you halt in your tracks. Reaching out, you take the picture in hand and lean in closer to better examine it. 

It’s a photo of BB, tongue out and tail wagging, but what catches your attention is the older woman, her arm around the smiling pup. The face you know well, though the wrinkles and grey hair you know less. She’s older now than when you last saw her, but it suits her. Leia Organa, Mayor of Echo Basin, a mentor of you and many of your friends, and ~~almost your mother-in-law~~. 

In the picture, she smiles in the gentle way of hers, always comforting, always there when you need it. 

This is what you forgot. These warm feelings and the kind people who bring them out, they’re things you haven’t felt in a long time.

“You okay?” Poe calls out. You look over to see he’s stopped a few feet ahead of you, a curious expression on his face noting your lagging. He takes a step towards you, probably to get a look at what has caught your attention. You drop the picture instantly, turning fully away and continuing in the direction of your car. No need to dwell on the past. You’ve let it die plenty of times before. 

“I’m fine.”

Poe looks taken aback by your coldness as you pass him with cool strides. Running a hand through his hair, he shakes his head. He’s going to have to get used to this back and forth iciness you project. But it’s not anything he can’t handle.

“So what exactly happened?”

He turns at the sound of your voice. You’ve already found your way through the garage to your car, lifted to the ceiling above your head and missing a few (large) pieces from underneath. Shaking off the previous awkwardness, he half-jogs over to where you stand with arms crossed, eyeing the underside of your TIE warily. 

“Tell me, do you drive this car often? Long distances?” He tries to lighten the mood, putting a half humourous tone into his voice. He can’t tell if you receive it. 

“No… not often… certainly not far.” You keep your eyes on the undercarriage, feeling half embarrassed by the whole situation, but determined to not let it show. 

“Well, that’s the problem. The strain with its lack of use, mixed with the long drive and awful weather and the snow causing some water intrusion,” he stirs his hands around, mimicking a tornado. “It’s kind of the perfect storm for your transmission to fail on you. Plus your tires are shot, we’re gonna need to get you some chains, at least.”

You nod solemnly, _‘yes I do understand, yes, absolutely makes sense, I totally know what you’re talking about.’_

“How much do I owe you?” 

Poe laughs, almost caught off guard. Scratching his stubble, he walks underneath the car, half examining it. “Well, we can figure that out once I finish working on it. It shouldn’t be too much, just replacing the transmission and any other damages it’s failure might have caused, plus your tires, not a big de-”

His voice trails off, failing him when he sees you already hunched over the workbench where your failed transmission sits, pen out and scribbling into something that looks to be a checkbook. 

“I really couldn’t take anything right now, it wouldn’t be right.”

But his voice falls on deaf ears as you practically force the slip of paper into his hand. He glances down at the check in his hand, vaguely noting the _ding_ of the shop’s bell and BB’s returned barking as a figure steps into the far office. 

_$15,000_

He stares at the numbers and they stare at him back. This… this is too much. He opens his mouth to reject this preposterous offer but a loud squeal of your name interrupts his refusal. 

Rose has just arrived back from her lunch break, her coffee and paper bag raised victoriously in the air as she does an excited half jig in place. 

“Oh my GOD, you’re finally back! It’s so good to see you!” 

You stand awkwardly in place as Rose rushes you practically jumping into your arms in a hug, BB bounding excitedly at the both of your feet. You freeze, unused to this friendly affection, but, just like with your mother, your arms eventually find a place wrapping around her back. She squeezes you tightly, unafraid, and it’s pleasant. It really is. 

“It’s nice to see you too, Rose,” you speak quietly into her hair. And you mean it.

Releasing her, you step back, taking in your old friend, and she very obviously does the same for you, not bothering to hide the way her head trails up and down your form. 

“Man, you really did get hotter, didn’t you?” she praises, half laughing. “Rich, successful, _and_ sexy! Right, Poe?” She turns her head unexpectedly to Poe, who looks over to you, caught off guard. 

“Uhm,” he clears his throat, making eye contact for only a second before he looks down, nodding, as he runs a hand through his curls. “Yeah, really. Very nice.”

“Damn,” Rose turns back to you, a conspiring grin stretching across her face. “Hot enough to even get _him_ flustered.”

“Oh, please,” you glance at Poe, who catches your eyes for a second before quickly averting his gaze once more. “Really, I mean, you’re as gorgeous as always Rose. And looks really aren’t everything.”

“Duh!” she giggles, looping her arm in yours, guiding you back into the office, away from the garage and away from Poe. “You own 50% of, basically, the most _major_ tech company right now? You’re off doing business all around the world coming back to your fancy Coruscant penthouse. _Yeah_ , looks aren’t everything.”

Poe is left standing by himself, outrageous check in hand, without a word to say.

______________

You end up spending a good half hour just lounging in the front office chairs together, with you deflecting Rose’s compliments and attempting to answer her questions and their varying levels of child like innocence. You make sure to get in a few questions of your own to Rose, asking after her own life, but she only gives half answers and brushes them off as ‘uninteresting’ before delving back into the details of your own affairs. 

“Do you have any plans tonight,” she asks over her coffee cup. “I was thinking we should, like, _actually_ hang out, instead of me just interrogating you in my place of work.” 

You sit up in your seat, the memory of your mother’s voice hitting you with a jolt. “Oh god, that reminds me.”

Ignoring Rose’s confused look and almost tripping over where BB sleeps at her feet, you stand up and hurriedly make your way back to the garage, where Poe sits, tinkering at some mechanical device he’s harvested from your TIE. 

“Poe.” 

He practically jumps in his seat, the sound of your voice startling him out of whatever half-conscious work zone he had himself in. 

“Yeah, what do you need?” His voice is tense with his momentary fright and he wills his heart to slow its beating, but with you stepping deliberately nearer, that might be easier said than done. He swallows. Your cold exterior is back up and at full force, looks like Rose’s friendly effect didn’t last as long as he wished.

“My mother wanted to thank you for… what you did for me last night. She’d like to invite you to dinner at their house this evening. Would you join us?”

Poe isn’t exactly sure what he was expecting but it really wasn’t that. You said _us._ That means you’ll be there. Who is he to refuse?

He blinks and attempts to mimic your impassive tone. 

“That sounds… nice. Sure. Do I- Should I bring something?”

The corner of your lip twitches at that, and there’s a kind twinkle in your eye that worms its way into his heart. “Of course not, you’re our guest.”

With that you turn to leave and call out as you go. “We’ll see you at seven. I do believe you remember where I live?”

“I know where you live, yeah. I mean- I’ll see you there… at seven.” 

You toss a smirk over your shoulder and he almost melts in his spot.

You give Rose a kiss on the cheek as you go, quietly mentioning something about Sunday plans, before you’re out again in the cold, your long coat fluttering gently in the wind. 

“Is that how you were before I got here? What a mess. Tonight is going to be so much worse.” Rose laughs mockingly, making her way over to Poe, grinning teasingly. 

“Hey,” Poe defends, snatching the bagged muffin she holds out as a peace offering, and pointing at her with it. “You’re the one who asked me if she was hot while she was standing right there. That’s just setting me up to fail.” 

“Okay, but I’m not the one saying _‘I know where you live_.’” She leans in wiggling her brows and is quickly met with Poe’s hand on her face, laughing as he pushes her away. 

He chuckles, but it's overtaken with a sigh as he suddenly comes to terms with the situation.

“I have no idea what I’m going to do tonight.” 

Rose rolls her eyes, pulling out her phone and earbuds, clearly getting ready to work. “Just play it cool, you’ll be fine. Something tells me she might like you... just a little.”

Poe’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wait, really? Did she say something?”

But Rose has turned away, earbuds in, already humming a tune. 

Poe sighs again, scratching at his stubble. He’s got this. He does. Right?

He eyes the ridiculous check that continues to stare at him from his workbench. Maybe not.

______________

“So you’re _sure_ he’s coming? He said he would come, right?”

You roll your eyes for what feels like the hundredth time that night. Your mother bustles around the kitchen, while your father stands back helplessly. Your mother’s anxiety over guests is another thing that hasn’t changed, even after all these years. Constantly asking about things that don’t actually matter nor could possibly know the answers to. 

She nervously stirs the paella simmering on the stove, if only to keep herself from pulling out her own hair.

“Mom, it’s only 6:45.” You speak slowly and calmly, as if speaking to a panicking child. “He said he would come, I told him to come at seven. He will be here.”

Your father moves across the kitchen from where he chops vegetables for the salad, over to your mother. He reaches out, giving her calming strokes on the back, sending a knowing wink your way. 

You give him a half smile back, and though you know your mother’s hosting anxieties are always over the top, you can’t help but chew your lip as you check the time on your phone. An odd nervous feeling has found a home in your chest since leaving Rebel Auto. _You_ don’t get nervous. _Especially_ when it comes to guests. You’ve hosted so many business meetings and dinners, even the occasional Gala or Ball. But for some reason, something as simple as dinner with an old… acquaintance… is throwing you off. 

You wish you had the idea to trade numbers with Poe, for professional reasons, of course. Having to sit here and wait anxiously without being able to get at least an ‘ _on my way’_ text has you rearranging the dining ware on the table for the third time. 

Where will Poe sit? On a side by himself? Or... next to you perhaps? 

The doorbell rings as you switch two identical glasses in their places for a reason you can’t place.

Immediately your mother calls out. “I’ll get-”

“Mom, I’ve got it,” you interrupt. Looking over from the table, you send your mom what you hope appears as a reassuring look. She can only send a tense sigh back.

 _There’s no reason to be tense,_ you remind yourself, _He’s just a guest._

Beginning the walk from the dining room to the front door, you take a breath and go through your pre-hosting/presenting checklist. With each (uncomfortably bare for the circumstance) step you take, you relax your shoulders, raise your chin, and equip a small, polite, but uneager smile. One that says, ‘ _Yes, Hello, please keep it moving and have a nice day.’_

Now through to the foyer, you school yourself one last time and take the plunge. 

Opening the front door, Poe stands on your porch shielded from the snow by the overhanging roof, but nonetheless very obviously chilled by the wind. He opens his mouth for a greeting, but you beat him to it. 

“Oh, please come in. Get warm.”

His open mouth turns into a chuckle, and you quickly step aside, letting him in. It’s only now, with him shaking off the snow and looking around the house, do you get to take him in.

Snow melts off the dark brown leather jacket he wears over a white button-up, the top few buttons undone, exposing the chain he seems to wear at all times. He’s dressed up, tantalizingly so. And he’s… brought flowers. In his grip are about a dozen daffodils and roses in yellows and whites. It’s a beautiful bouquet, if slightly strangled by his nervous grasp. 

He seems to be taking you in at the same time and offers you a small and unsure, “You look nice.” 

You haven’t even begun to think about how you might respond when he notes your surprised regarding of the bouquet and laughs. His tension leaks only slightly into his timbre. 

“I wasn’t sure what to bring and I thought this might be… appropriate.”

He holds them out, somewhat awkwardly, reminding you of the boys in high school when asking a girl they liked out to a dance. Of course, you were always overlooked for this ritual. You nod, taking them and cradling them gently, a questioning smile creeping onto your features. You suddenly find yourself too nervous to ask, but he answers before you can even seriously consider the awkward question. 

“They’re for— uhm...” He hesitates, looking from you to the flowers when his eyes drift away and behind you. You begin to follow his gaze over your shoulder when he clears his throat, calling your attention and meeting your eyes once more. “They’re for your mom.” 

“Yes, of course.”

That much should have been obvious, right? Regardless of how many reasons there are that those flowers wouldn’t be for _you_ , there’s something in your gut that sinks just slightly when he says it. Nevertheless, you attempt a warm smile and step back, gesturing towards the dining room in a ‘ _shall we?’_ manner. 

He ducks his head in acknowledgment, smiling brightly once again, and makes his way into the dining room. Your parents call out greetings from the kitchen and you can’t help but watch him as you lag behind, still holding his flowers in the foyer. He looks so comfortable. He gives your mother a kiss on the cheek, complementing the appetizing scents of the kitchen. Your father shakes his hand familiarly, a pride and warmth in his eyes. 

The scene is so _domestic._ So familiar and comfortable. Poe exists in this house more relaxed and easy than you think you ever have. He walks around the place like he belongs here. The moment feels like a mockery, a play with you in the role of blushing bride, the image of a happy home that you could never occupy. The bouquet feels like thorns in your palms. Kylo never even met your parents. Not formally. Not as… 

A lump crawls into your throat and you feel yourself start to become light headed. This is too much. Stumbling towards the staircase, you try to steady your breathing. In, out. In, out. You don’t need a panic attack tonight. Please not tonight. 

You just manage to place the flowers on a step without crushing them when you seat yourself down on the stairs, closing your eyes and breathing. _It’s ok. You’re safe._

You hug your knees up to your chest, burying your face in them as you continue regaining your breathing. No tears come, but your throat feels dry and swollen and your heartbeat thumps in your ears. Focusing on counting the lengths of your breaths, the feeling of the carpeting under your toes, and the thought that _everything is okay_ , you slowly regain control.

Your breathing begins to slow and calm, no longer hasteful and empty. 

Your mother’s voice carries through the house, calling your name. 

“Where did you go? It’s time to eat.”

You take another breath, smoothing out your hair and blouse, and attempt to respond in as even a voice as you can.

“Coming.”

______________

Spoons clink against emptying bowls and idle chatter fills the space of the dining table. Pleasantries were exchanged, minor catching up was done. It seems that they see him more often than you thought, leading to their comfortable rapport. The flowers adorn the table in a vase filled with fresh water. With all the décor already adorning the home, they fit in just right.

Your mother sits at the head of the table, ever the matriarch, and Poe sits to her right, smiling and nodding at a joke your mother tells about something you did in high school. You roll your eyes, sitting to her left, across from Poe, with your father chuckling along to the story on your own left side.

“And she came home _completely_ _soaked_ and _shivering_ , absolutely _covered_ in snow, and she didn’t even bat an eye! She comes in, sits down sopping wet, and asks what’s for dinner!”

Your father erupts in laughter at the memory and Poe chuckles to himself, looking across the table to you with an amused twinkle in his eyes. You’re not laughing but his smile as he looks at you does make your traitor of a heart quicken its beating. You can only throw up your brows with a wry and awkward half smile and finish off your glass of wine. 

Your mother sighs, thoroughly entertained, as her giggles die out and she takes on a slightly more serious, yet still light and joking, tone.

“That’s when I knew you were hanging around that Ben figure too much. Before that I’m sure you would’ve caused a scene, but... he always had a way of dimming your light.”

“Mom, please.” It’s spoken with mock dismay, but there is a serious and pleading uncurrent in your tone. She doesn’t seem to catch on and you pour yourself another glass of wine. 

“Ben Organa?” Poe speaks up, amusement and slight confusion in his tone. “That greasy little weasel? I didn’t know you guys hung out.”

“No really,” She goes on, seemingly ignoring Poe and it slowly becomes apparent that she may already have had too much to drink. “That boy was always trouble. I would have much preferred if you two had been around each other more. You take after Leia so much more, Poe.”

Poe looks down, obviously a bit uncomfortable on his side of the table, but smiles and nods anyway, reaching for his own wine glass. “I’ve been told.”

You try to catch his eye to send an apologetic glance his way but your mother grabs his attention as she continues. 

“You really do! I could always see why our girl had such a crush on you back then.”

You jerk up in your seat the moment that Poe chokes on his wine, your knee slamming against the underside of the table. He quickly sets the glass down and wipes his mouth, laughing awkwardly. 

You do not laugh.

“Mother.” You turn to her, ire in your voice and ice in your eyes. Poe suddenly reminds himself to never make you mad. He wouldn’t last a moment under the freezing chill of your gaze. 

“Why would you say that.”

“Sweetheart.” Your father finally speaks up in an appealing tone, but you’re not sure if he’s trying to calm your attack or prevent your mother from making matters worse.

Still, your mom remains seemingly oblivious to her faux pas and keeps going, still smiling and laughing as if this isn’t perhaps the most embarrassing dinner you’ve ever had. 

“It’s true, though! She used to talk about you so sweetly, I could just tell. And you two would have been a much better couple I have to say.” You must look horrified and Poe can’t hold your gaze for longer than a moment, his cheeks and ears red and you can feel your own face burning. Your mother goes on, quieter, as she sips her wine.

“But he did steal you away to that big company of his, didn’t he? And it did make you the successful woman you are now, didn’t it?”

“Mom,” Your tone is now indignant. Embarrassment you can let slip, but conflating your success entirely to Kylo? As if you don’t own 50% of that entire enterprise? You can’t take that disrespect. “That’s _my_ company. We built it _together_ . He didn’t steal me from _anything_.”

Poe’s face only reads uncomfortable confusion across the way, like he has no clue what is going on and that he wishes he were anywhere else. Seeing that pains you when you feel your father’s hand on your shoulder gently pulling you back to rest against your seat. You didn’t even realize how much your posture had changed, practically on the edge of your seat, leaning in towards your mother. 

Relaxing back into your chair, reaching for your glass, you speak gently but firmly. 

“I left, Mom. That was me. I did that because I wanted to, because I needed to. Not because of some boy.”

Your father rubs your shoulder kindly. Your mother only stares at her wine. You find the courage to meet Poe’s eyes and, despite it all, there’s kindness in them. Understanding. He may not understand everything you’re talking about, but he’ll listen anyway. 

There, in his eyes, you find your first real comfort since coming back.

______________

Your father, as awkward as he is, manages to steer the conversation somewhere tolerable. It’s stilted, though not for lack of trying on both your father and Poe’s parts, but it’s well known at that point that dinner is somewhat ruined and all but over. 

Your parents clear the dishes and you offer to walk Poe back to his truck, if only to find a moment of reprieve with the only thing about the Base that’s felt right since first leaving your flat just the day before. 

Pulling on your shoes, you go over to the coat rack, finding Poe’s leather jacket and your long coat amongst the many parkas and snow coats. Poe trails into the foyer from saying his goodbyes in the kitchen, taking his coat when you offer it with a small, “Thanks.”

He can feel your tension has you harshly tug on your coat and walk briskly to the door, ready to see him out. He doesn’t quite feel like you’re mad at him, but he pulls on his jacket quicker than he thinks he ever has. 

As you both step out in the fresh chill of the night and its gentle snowfall, you can feel the tension almost melt off your bones. The crisp air cools your heated cheeks and staves off the headache you can feel incoming. Poe even breathes easier too, finally out of the odd stress the house had taken on. But now, out here, alone with you, he can feel another kind of tension overtaking him. 

You both stand like that for a small moment, just still on the porch, looking out at the falling snow and the many strung lights and blinking decorations of the neighboring homes. A silent mutual agreement. It’s peaceful.

But you must face reality once again, so you make the first move, turning to him with a cordial look. “Shall we?”

He smiles gently, nodding once, and the both of you begin the short walk through the snow-covered yard to his truck only a small ways down the sidewalk. You realize you both walk just slower than a typical pace. Perhaps, he finds comfort in your company as well? Despite the awkwardness of the night’s conversation, maybe neither of you really wants to leave the other. 

As you pass your gate, stepping on the sidewalk, you break the delicate silence.

“I’m so sorry about tonight. That was… embarrassing.” 

Poe only huffs a gentle laugh. “There’s really nothing to apologize for. I get it. Family is difficult.” He looks over briefly as he walks, giving a little wink that makes your heart flutter more than you’d like to admit. “Especially if you haven’t seen them since graduating high school.”

You smile at that. “Thank you for being so understanding. But still, I can’t help but feel like you got caught in the crossfire.” You rub your forehead, as if just the thought is enough to pain you. “Especially with all those things my mother said about… god, you know.”

Poe laughs again at that, trying to ease your stress and perhaps some of his own. “Yeah about that… did you really have a crush on me in high school?”

The question is bold and he knows it, judging by the heat that’s built in his cheeks. But when is he gonna get to ask a question like that again, especially to you?

You look away, cheeks instantly red, searching for the answer in the stars on the horizon. “Oh, that– I mean it’s stupid– well you know–” 

You continue to stutter excuses and you can’t remember the last time you’ve tripped over your words this badly. Poe only looks quite amused, brows raised and smile sly. You don’t know why you can’t just say _yes_ and say something _flirty_ or _intriguing_ . Something to bring him _in_ and make him _want you._ But you don’t really know if you want that. Don’t need it certainly. Not at this time.

In the end, you cease stammering, but only by saying something you’re not quite sure you mean.

“It was high school and it was stupid. Only for a moment, really... I mean, who didn’t right? You were the most popular guy in school and you were so nice to everyone. Really it was dumb. I don’t even think you could call it a crush, maybe just… admiration. Stupid.”

Poe still smiles, but something about it is stiff. Strained. He nods as you finally arrive at his truck that you’re more than familiar with now. He scratches his eyebrow with the back of his thumb.

“Yeah, figures.”

Something about his tone makes you want to take it all back. But you don’t.

He looks up at you, suddenly, with an expression you can’t place. “Hey, listen. Are… are you doing anythi–”

A harsh ringing belts out from your back pocket cuts him off. It a tone that you set as purposely different from the others. One that would make sure you never miss it. 

Whipping out your phone, the name ‘ _SNOKE’_ glares at you from the screen. You’re suddenly shivering– and it has nothing to do with the cold winter air.

Your tone is deeply apologetic, but also urgent, maybe even… scared? 

“I’ve really got to take this, I’m so sorry. But what were you saying?”

He swallows, looking down at your phone, and back up to your regretful, beautiful face. He shakes his head.

“It’s nothing. I’ll see you around.”

There’s something that looks like pain in his eyes, but he smiles anyway. You give him your best smile back, a genuine one, and a small wave as you start backwards, answering the call.

“Yes, sir?”

He waves back and watches you as you finally turn away, heading back through the footprints in the snow you made together. He’s still standing by his truck when you make it to the front door. You look back at him one last time before heading in, gifting him another one of your smiles that he’s slowly becoming covetous of. And with that you disappear back inside the house, leaving him somehow warm and utterly cold at the same time. 


	4. Friendly Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays bitch , bet you thought you'd seen the last of me ;)

Even though you’re on vacation, you are far from exempt from your work. And nothing is proving that more than the headache you nurse as you continue pouring over document after document on your tablet. Numbers and figures, charts and graphs, blueprints and sketches, even interviews and gossip articles – they’re all blending together after staring at the screen for what’s likely been hours. 

Snoke’s call the night before was not a social one – they never are. He was going on about some acquisition Kylo’s been trying to make for the past few months, and apparently, he was missing something crucial, which is where you usually come in. The two of you have always been a team for a reason. He was more of the passion and ideas, whereas you were better with relations and logistics. 

Snoke had immediately sent over hundreds of digital files for you to go through and find… well something. Most likely some kind of professional blackmail. Some kind of small violation or incident that would _really_ be such a _shame_ if it came to the media's attention. You know, the usual. 

So far, everything they’ve done is up to code, as far as you can tell. But Snoke won’t take no for an answer. He’d have your head for it. So you continue looking through page after page, searching for some dirt, searching for any kind of upper hand on the competition. 

After coming back in that night while on the phone with Snoke, you blew past your parents and went straight up to your room, where you’ve been for almost the entirety of this Sunday. You couldn’t even face them after that absolute embarrassment of an evening. And though this morning you did stalk around the house if only to get a thing or two to eat, you pointedly ignored your mother, only giving your father a small silent nod of acknowledgment. 

Stealing away to your room for a full day of silent, frustrating work was not exactly your idea of a fun vacation back home, but neither was last night. Just the thought of running into Poe again makes you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment and stress. He probably thinks you’re an idiot now. Probably never wants to see you again. And who could blame him if he did? 

If you were a different woman, you’d probably have shed a few embarrassed tears in the solitude of your room, but that wasn’t you. Not anymore. So you rub your eyes once again, and get back to work.

You’re back to staring at a tax filing by the company’s CEO from seventeen years ago when a notification pops up at the top of your screen.

> **_Unknown Number_ **
> 
> _hey! its rose! i got ur number from when you called the shop lol hope thats not creepy_
> 
> _i was wondering if ur busy tonight? i was thinking of getting drinks w/ some friends at Kanata’s! wanna come? i can pick u up since ur ride is chopped ;)_

You blink back at the notification. Drinks? At Kanata’s? 

You can’t remember the last time you actually went out with a group of friends, especially for fun. Taking clients you and Kylo were wooing out to dinner was a common occurrence. But fun? They were never.

Another wave of anxiety washes over you. Friends? Who were these friends? Would they like you? Did you know them? Maybe it would be better to just stay and finish your work. Nothing could go wrong if you did that.

You open the message, absolutely ready to type an excuse why you can’t come, when there’s a gentle knock at your door. You already recognize it as your mother by the way she knocks even before she calls out gently. 

“Love? You in there?”

“I’m here.” You leave your voice flat and emotionless. You need her to know you’re still mad.

“Can… Can I come in?” 

‘No’ dances on the tip of your tongue for a strong moment, but the uncertainty in her soft voice gives you pause. 

“...Okay.”

The door clicks open slowly and your mother pokes her head in, a small, nervous smile affecting her features. You only look at her blankly from your nest of blankets and pillows that have been on your bed since high school.

She steps more fully into the room, closing the door behind her most of the way. She leaves it open just a little, giving the both of you some air to breathe, but also, in a way, making sure not to lock herself in a cage with a wounded animal. 

And she approaches you like one–cautious, hands visible and apologetic. You huff, curled up in the corner of your bed, and try to look anywhere but at her. But she’s hard to avoid as she sits gently on the far edge of your bed and pulls her hands into her lap, looking down and rolling them over one another contemplatively. You two sit like this for a moment, simmering in the uncomfortable tension, but like hell you’re the one with anything to apologize for. 

She lets out a deep sigh. “I’m… so, so sorry… about my behavior last night. I suppose I just… wasn’t handling your absence as well as I thought I was.”

Despite the small sorrow your heart finds at her small and broken tone, the anger–rage even– that has been boiling since the night before claws desperately to be let out. You breathe deeply, and do your best to keep it still in its place. But that doesn’t exclude the fury that seeps into your quiet voice, as you level your gaze with hers.

“Mom, that was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in my entire professional career. I need you to know this.”

She nods understandingly and looks back to her fiddling hands. “Yes. I know. And I couldn’t be sorry enough. I realized...I– I don’t know how to be your mother anymore.” You blink at this. A terrible lurch in your gut crawls into your throat at the sight of the tears silently beginning their descent down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do for you when you're a grown woman who’s accomplished so much on her own without me. I miss you, but I’m not really sure I know you anymore.”

She looks up suddenly at you, her face twisted with grief and regret.

“I didn’t mean it like that… I-”

You stop her, shaking your head, swallowing the lump in your throat, willing the sudden strange wetness in your eyes away. Your voice comes out more choked up than you wish. But whatever wall was up is quickly crumbling away.

“No… Mom, I think I understand.” You look down at your own hands now, picking at your nails nervously, silently discovering the lineage of this habit of yours. You smile sadly at the thought. “I feel that way too sometimes… about myself.”

“Oh, love.” Your mother reaches out, placing her hand on your foot, the only part of you she can reach, and squeezes it gently. She smiles sweetly, her eyes and cheeks still wet, though she’s wiped away the tears.

“You’re not my little girl anymore… but you’re still my daughter, and I’ll love you no matter what.”

You nod, suppressing a sniff as you rub at your nose. She squeezes your foot one more time before standing up and making her way back to the door. She reaches for the handle when you call out. 

“I love you, Mom.”

The smile she sends you is genuine, heartfelt, and warming to your core. It makes you realize how much you truly missed your mother, even if she had her difficulties. “I love you too, girlie.”

With that, she closes the door, leaving you alone with your tablet and the unanswered message. But you know your response now. 

> **_Me_ **
> 
> _Sounds fun! Let me know what time. I’d love to come, if you’ll have me._

You begin entering Rose’s information into your contacts and her response is almost immediate.

> **_Rose Tico_ **
> 
> _duuuh! ill get u at like 8ish? and we’ll meet them there! cant wait!_

You look down at the message and can’t help but feel a little more at home. 

______________

You run a hand through your hair, adjusting your outfit for the hundredth time. You’ve opted for something more casual tonight. Something a little more friendly, approachable. You suddenly frown at your reflection. _You don’t need these people’s approval_. Well, no. But it wouldn’t be so bad to be friendly for once would it?

The two voices in your head continue to battle it out, leaving you frozen in the mirror, desperately trying to understand how you feel in this moment. Anxious? Perhaps. Regretful of accepting this invitation? Maybe. 

Your phone chirps, lighting up on your desk. Glancing over, you see it’s Rose. You don’t need to read it to know it’s just her announcing her arrival, but you pick it up anyway, settling down on your bed and slipping on your shoes as you open the message.

> **_Rose Tico_ **
> 
> _here!!! right in front lol_
> 
> **_Me_ **
> 
> _One moment!_

You lace up your boots quickly, practically sprinting out of your room and down the stairs, snatching up your long coat on the way. 

“I’m headed out, I won’t be back until you guys are already in bed. So, goodnight.”

You call out to the living room as you pull on the coat, your parents turning from their seats on the couch, eyeing you with interest.

“And where are you going this late, young lady?” Your father questions sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“Out with friends,” you rush, already halfway out the door, spotting Rose in her car and giving a small wave. “Love you, bye!”

Half-jogging down the steps, you cross quickly but cautiously through the snow-laden yard, careful not to slip. As you close the gate behind you, Rose is already opening the passenger door from the inside, beckoning you in.

“Get inside, it’s freezing!”

You allow yourself a small laugh and slide into the seat next to her. Pulling the door closed, you look around, taking in the space of the car, as she starts it back up and pulls away from the curb. 

Like most things in The Base, it’s worn and old, peeling and chafed, likely held together with duct tape and love. But despite all of its imperfections, it’s not only comfortable, it’s cozy. It’s warm and personal, every dent containing a story, every mile meaningful. 

You can’t help but think back to the chill rigid efficiency of your TIE. Sure, it gets the job done, and is mighty stylish while it does so, but you’ve never felt like it was yours. Never felt anything but cool indifference for its sleek lines and dark exterior. 

“So, you’re looking snazzy tonight.” Rose pulls you out of your thoughts with her cheery tone. 

You look down at your outfit, once again tugging at its hems. 

“Am I? I was actually trying to dress down.”

She laughs at that. “You think that’s dressing down? No way, this is dressing down.” She takes one hand off the wheel, gesturing at her own attire: A brown button-up with a sewn name tag and a pair of dark cargo pants. Likely the uniform she wore to work today. Her cool attitude and smooth voice put you at ease, and you can feel your guard begin to lower. 

“I like this on you,” you quietly praise. You pick at your nails, continuing, “Don’t take this the wrong way, please, but… I admire that you can wear clothes like that and feel comfortable. I feel like I have to dress up all the time, no matter what. I don’t know… I- Nevermind.”

You look up at Rose and she pulls her eyes away from the road for a moment to give you a meaningful look. She nods sympathetically, her previous lightness replaced by understanding. She realizes the weight of this seemingly minor admission.

“I get it, I do.” She gives you a soothing smile. “I just hope you can feel comfortable here… with us. We like having you back, even if just for a moment.”

Still smiling, she turns back to the wheel with a light shrug. “Plus, this isn’t Canto Bight. You’ll look great no matter what.”

You groan, half sardonic, half-serious. “Oh, please don’t remind me. You know, I thought _I_ was a vulture, but those people,” you give an audible shiver. “They’re something else.”

Rose laughs melodically. “Oh, _do_ tell.”

______________

The ride to the bar is short, the car only really needed for warmth, but the company is appreciated. Rose laughs along to your story of once attempting to cover for Kylo’s drunken rage in front of investors, and while it was a very unamusing situation at the time, you find yourself chuckling with her. 

“Well, that’s why we don’t let him have Bespin Fizzes anymore.”

Rose giggles at that, before piping up in her seat a little. “There it is!”

The bar comes into view just ahead, a familiar neon sign reading _Kanata’s_ hanging overhead a small brick building _._ The parking lot is compact, but practically full, reminding you just how small the town is, as Kanata’s is the only real bar in the whole Base, and as such, is the town’s favorite happy hour hangout. 

She leans up the dashboard, pointing to an old, grey, junky Corellian that’s as familiar to the town as the bar. 

“There’s the Falcon,” she points out with a smile, though you don’t need her to tell which car it is. “They’re here.”

You nod, smiling at the old hunk of junk fondly, before suddenly realizing what the Falcon’s presence implies. She pulls up to the spot next to it as you turn to her.

“Wait, we’re getting drinks with _Han?_ ” You try not to sound upset, only curious, but Rose reads your panic easily. 

“No, silly,” she giggles, and seems to dodge the question, stepping out of the car. You quickly follow behind, stepping out into the chill night air. Closing the doors, Rose rounds the car and you trail next to her, past the Falcon and towards the bar's entrance. She continues her explanation without you having to ask. 

“About five years ago, Han gave the Falcon away.”

“He gave it away? Why would he do that? To who?” 

She pushes open the door, leading you into the dimly lit bar, which you only now realize with its unfamiliar interior, that you never stuck around to be old enough to actually enter it. The lights are low, yellow and red, but not unwelcoming, in fact creating a warm atmosphere. It’s brightest around the bar itself, with neon and string lights, as patrons sit on the stools, chatting over the low playing jukebox on the far side of the room. Near it are a couple of pool tables, busy with players in the middle of games. A few locals drink in booths against the walls, however Rose leads you towards the high tables and stools in the middle of the room. You’re scanning the bar for anyone you recognize when you finally see where she’s leading you– to the only couple occupying the tables, and your heart drops into your stomach as your fight or flight instinct kicks in. 

“To them!” Rose points but once again you don’t need her helpful hand to see what you need to.

At the table is a girl you don’t recognize with a sweet face and dark hair, but it’s the familiar face next to her that makes you want to run.

Finn, your old classmate, but more importantly your old _employee_ , sits smiling and laughing, casual as anything. You knew Finn left First Order – on very bad terms, one would be remiss to forget – after a fateful trip home for somewhere less cutthroat and competitive, but you thought that meant somewhere like _Alderaan._ You didn’t think he’d come _back_ , and you certainly didn’t think you’d actually see him _here._

Rose doesn’t notice your hesitation, continuing to pull you forward and calling out to her friends. She catches their attention, waving, and you brace for the moment of impact. 

_Finn is going to be mad that you’re here. He’s going to be furious. He’s going to stand up and yell at Rose about how awful of a person you are and make sure nobody in this town will even so much as smile at you ever again. He’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to go back to Coruscant and you’ll do it because you’re so deeply embarrassed._

The girl turns first, smiling and waving back at Rose. She grins brightly at you as well, obviously unfamiliar but still friendly. Finn turns second with an easy expression, glancing at you briefly before doing a double-take. His face falls, but not into anger like you expect. It drops to confusion, like he’s making sure it’s you, which then turns into half-smug disbelief, a bewildered smile taking over his features. 

Finn speaks first. “No-freaking-way.”

Tension still wracks your body as he steps off the stool, meeting you and Rose in front of the table. Rose looks between the two of you before dropping your hand and covering her eyes.

“Oh my God, I totally forgot about the whole…” She looks to you apologetically, not towards Finn, which confuses you. “I’m so sorry I forgot to say.”

“No, I- it’s okay. I just hope I’m not intruding.” It seems that this town just loves to leave you at a loss for words.

Finn laughs, seemingly completely at ease. “Not unless you’re here to talk about work. Or to try to win me back.”

“God, no. Not that we wouldn’t love to have you back but,” you glance quickly at the friendly girl still sitting at the table, obviously confused. “I understand that you’re much happier here.”

“That I am.”

“Then that’s all I care about.”

Rose absolutely buzzes with energy at the exchange. “Yay! So we’re all still friends and everything?” Her hands are clasped and her hopeful eyes flicker back and forth between the two of you. 

You turn your gaze back to Finn, hoping that you look as genuine as he does. “I hope so.”

“I don’t see any reason why not,” He smiles warmly at you, offering his hand. “Besides, you weren’t exactly the one that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.”

You take his hand easily, and just barely manage to quell your surprise when he uses it to tug you into a warm hug. The recent bombardment of hugs you’ve received in the past few days is the only thing that gets your arms moving properly, wrapping loosely around Finn for a moment before you part. 

As you pull back, an awkwardness comes to hang in the air as a silence settles between the four of you. You suddenly remember the girl at the table seemingly the same moment that Finn does. He pipes up, turning towards her and half leading you to the table where they were sitting. 

“Right, uh, Rey, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine.” 

You extend a hand and introduce yourself to the woman, Rey, and she lets out an awkward laugh as she takes it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I was a bit, erm, hesitant to intrude on the moment. Seems like there’s a lot of history going on here.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Finn laughs before his nose scrunches up in thought. “Actually, you might have some idea. You know the place I used to work before we met?”

Rey’s face twists in disgust. “You mean that awful tech company? God, you couldn’t stop talking about how awful it was for almost a _year_. Must’ve been terrible. Did you work there too?” 

She looks to you as your cheeks heat up and you can't help the grimace that creeps into your expression. “I actually still do.” 

Finn opens his mouth but Rey beats him to it. “Oh no, that must be _awful._ What do you do? Get yelled at all day by some tall blonde woman like Finn did?” She chuckles at her own joke, but she’s the only one. Finn and Rose look like they’d rather be anywhere else. Probably at the bar. With strong drinks. Yet, you feel a chill indifference wash over you. The one you feel whenever you walk through the doors of the First Order offices and meetings. 

“Actually I’m the COO.”

Rey’s jaw slackens with the shock, mouth starting and stopping any words she attempts to get out. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Finn has his head fully in his hands and Rose looks like she might die. But you smile softly.

“It’s okay. I’ve heard far worse before. From people whose opinions were far more important.”

The urge to storm out tugs at your gut but your feet stay planted. It’s strange. You’re not quite sure what emotion it is that you’re feeling exactly. There’s anger, but it’s the blow to your pride that fuels it. There’s certainly embarrassment. Mostly, you realize it’s guilt. Guilt that the company you worked so hard to build has hurt people - people that you care about. You knew it happened, probably every day, probably right at this moment, but being faced with the conversations that people must be having behind your back… It hurts. It hurts in many directions. 

“Drinks!” Rose chirps loudly, desperate to break the tension. “I’ll go get us some drinks!”

She spins on a dime and immediately heads towards the bar. Looking between you and Rey, Finn gulps. “She’ll probably need some… help with those…” He’s immediately out of his chair and trailing behind Rose. 

Rey sits quietly, a thoughtful look on her face as you finally take a seat on the stool across from her. The silence hangs for a moment as the jukebox croons quietly in the background. 

“I really didn’t mean it that way,” Rey starts quietly. “It’s just…” She leans towards you, elbows resting in front of her on the table. Her eyes are earnest, kindness pouring forth. “Finn was miserable when we met in Jakku. Work was stressing him out to no end, but mostly… he felt like he was hurting people. He had a stable and successful job but… what did it cost him? All he ever wanted to do was help people.” She sighs, and a small smile tugs at her lips. “I like to think I helped him, but really, he knew all along what he had to do. I’m so grateful that we’re both here now, working with the kids, helping people where it feels like it really matters. I can’t speak for you, but it sounds like you’re proud of your company, and I’m glad but… It just wasn’t right for Finn. I hope I haven’t offended you.”

You’re momentarily stunned by her small speech. Not just the words but her honesty. You can tell from the tone of her voice just how much she cares for Finn and how much she believes in their cause. You find a small stain on the table, gazing at it intensely in thought. You’ve just wanted to help people too, all your life, but making something of yourself always came first it seemed. You told yourself you were helping people, creating new things that made so many people’s lives easier, donating intensely to charities, but how many people were you hurting on the way? How many times can you tell yourself that some eggs must be cracked to make an omelette? How many people have you screwed over, blackmailed, and outright stolen from? How many shady people have you bought from or sold to? How many things have you ignored or swept under the carpet just to keep business running as usual?

“If it helps… Finn always spoke highly of you.” 

You look up as Rey draws you out of your thoughts, something she obviously picks up on going by her smile. 

“Well… He’s a good man. A good friend before he was an employee… I didn’t mean what I said either - about your opinion not mattering. That’s not true, I just…” You trail off, but look up to find comfort and forgiveness in her warm expression. You give her a small genuine smile of your own. “Maybe we should just start over.”

You extend a hand, introducing yourself and she does the same, laughing lightly as she does so. At that moment, Rose and Finn come shuffling over, each balancing a tray with a few colorful drinks and rounds of shots. Placing the trays on the table, Finn eyes your smiles and parting hands. 

“Are you guys… Is everything good now?”

You nod, laughing. “Yes, I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”

“And we’re just here to have a good time and hang out - no work talk.” Rey winks at Finn. He lets out a hearty laugh, clapping you two on the back. 

“Oh, you two are good.”

“Actually, there’s one more thing,” Rose cuts in. She looks absolutely tickled pink, poorly suppressing her roguish grin. Finn and Rey raise an eyebrow in unison, seemingly used to this behavior. 

Rose giggles, “I invited Poe!” 

You instantly feel your heart rate pick up and a gentle heat rise in your cheeks, but it seems your the only one excited about this development. Rey only sighs with an unamused laugh. Rolling his eyes, Finn shakes his head, “That’s not exactly a surprise.” He turns to you. “She invites him out _every_ time. And _every_ time he says no. ‘Too busy.’”

“He never just relaxes,” Rey chimes in. “We’re constantly inviting him out, even inviting ourselves _into_ the shop occasionally, but he’s just so dedicated to his work. It’d be admirable if it wasn’t so annoying.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rose waves her hands around, as if attempting to dispel the negative comments in the air before they reach you. “BUT… I told him a certain _special someone_ was gonna be here!” 

Finn and Rey both turn to you, Rey holding an expression of curiosity and Finn looking at you with new eyes, the gears turning almost visibly in his head. Did she mean you? Everyone seems to be looking at you expectantly so… she must be. Sure, Poe seems to like you well enough but… This is behavior that seems to have been going on for _years_. How could your presence possibly change that?

“Wh- Me?” You ask, turning to Rose at a sudden loss for words. “Why- What makes me special?”

Rose rolls her eyes so hard her head can’t help but follow. “You are _so_ oblivious. And _so_ special.”

Finn nods, with a grin you can only describe as ‘shit-eating.’ 

“Of course.” He bites his lip deviously. “This is gonna be so fun.”

“Really wha-”

You’re cut off by the sound of the blowing snow and wind as the door creaks open behind you. As if on cue, each of your heads swivel to the entrance to see the door swinging shut behind Poe shaking the snowflakes out of his hair, cheeks ruddy from the outside cold. He looks up from tugging his gloves off to see the four of you gawking at him. If he can tell he just walked in on a discussion of himself, he doesn’t show it. He practically beams at the four of you, but lets his eyes settle on yours.

“Hey guys.”

“This is gonna be _so_ fun,” You hear Finn whisper behind you. 

You fail miserably at trying to hide your smile, but you know it’s for the best. 

______________

“God, I know it’s embarrassing but... that’s so funny.” Rey chuckles with red cheeks, thoroughly amused.

“But it’s so _embarrassing_ ,” You exclaim, a little louder than you’re usually comfortable with but the drinks you’ve been slowly consuming for the past two hours have loosened your tongue just a bit. 

Finn continues to shake his head in laughter. “I do love your mom, though. I wanna thank her for that one. A proper Base welcome.”

“C’mon, it really wasn’t so bad,” Poe laughs. 

Once he’d arrived, everyone made quick work of getting him a drink and dragging over a stool, planting him firmly and snuggly between you and Rose. Small pleasantries and catching up eventually turned into you and Poe recounting the previous night's dinner and conversation at the strong behest of the rest of the group. It mostly consisted of you complaining and apologizing to Poe and him simply laughing it off, attempting to placate your worries. Finn, Rey, and Rose simply watched in entertainment, soaking up every juicy detail. 

“Really, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll drive yourself insane.” Poe places a hand on your shoulder, sending a little shiver of electricity through your body that you desperately try to curb. You look down at his hand on your shoulder and are struck with the desire to see it as often as possible. Meeting his eyes, they are warm and kind and cause you to immediately lose whatever it was you were going to just say. You are now very aware of just how buzzed you are. 

“I’ll… I’ll try.” You give him a small smile and he accepts it readily, his own smile growing. Over your shoulder, Finn must catch his eye because he swiftly turns his head back to his drink on the table and clears his throat. His hand gives you a small pat and quickly retreats back to his lap. His hand makes a loose fist and you miss its warmth. 

“Well,” Rose starts. “It’s getting late and I am so _beat_. I should get going.” 

Rose gives a meaningful glance at Finn and Rey, “Isn’t it a school night? You guys should get going too. Don’t want to have to show a video tomorrow.”

Finn’s eyes widen a bit and Rey nods fervently. 

“Yes, absolutely. You’re so right, Rose.” Finn begins standing up from his stool. “C’mon, Rey, we should be off.”

Those fucking conspirators. You know you should be grateful - they’re trying very hard to set you up with your high school crush - but all you can feel is panic. You’re an expert at talking to people, from brokering deals to conducting yourself in interviews and even giving presentations, you’ve trained and practiced in the art of discussion. But for some reason, just being in the same room as Poe makes your brain short circuit. Your mind constantly pulls back and forth whether to close off and shut him out or loosen up and actually let him in. It’s barely been three days but it feels like so much longer. And that’s terrifying.

“Uh-Wh- Are you guys okay to drive?” You sputter.

Finn sends you a reassuring smile as he grabs Rey by the shoulders, “Rey might not be in any state to drive, but I’m totally fine. I’ve had maybe two drinks in the past couple hours. Don’t worry.” 

Rose is off her stool too, gathering her coat. “Could you maybe drop me off too? I’d just walk but it’s so damn cold.”

“No problem, Rose.”

“What about me? _I’m_ supposed to walk then?” You interject, flustered. “Rose, _you_ drove me here.”

Rose gives an exaggerated look of cluelessness, giving you a shrug before looking over at Poe.

Breaking his momentary silence, Poe gives you a nod. “Yeah, I can give you a ride if you want.” 

You can only nod along. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.”

Rose lets out a little squeal, scrambling over to give you a kiss on the cheek and skip out the door, calling out goodbyes over her shoulder. You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh along with Finn and Rey, both of them giving you and Poe sidehugs before taking their exit as well. 

As the doors swing shut and the silence between you settles, you glance around at the bar. There are about half as many people as there were a few hours ago but the place doesn’t feel empty by any means. The few patrons still mill about, some playing pool, some chatting at the bar. You sigh contently at the sight, something Poe catches as he watches you.

“Good to be home?”

You look over, momentarily studying his handsome features in the warm lights as you try to figure out how to answer his question. 

“I don’t know. Like I said before, it’s not really home. And yet it is.”

He nods, thinking for a second. “But are you happy to be here?”

You eye him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’m starting to be.”

“Well, I’ll drink to that.” He grins, holding up his bottle. You meet his with your own, both taking a swig with a smile.

As you settle your drinks back on the table, Poe leans over with a lowered voice. Your pulse thrums in your veins. “You know, I actually had a great time last night, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

You sigh with chagrin, momentarily closing your eyes to rub at the spot between your brows. 

“Well, I’m glad you had so much fun at my expense.” 

Poe leans away, shutting his eyes in his own embarrassment. 

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”

You chuckle lightly, a sound that gets Poe to open one eye before breaking into a smile, laughing with you. He leans in again, still smiling but a serious tone overtakes him.

“I really understand if you don’t want to talk about it but… What was your mother talking about… with Ben?”

You feel like a bucket of water has been dumped on you, ruining the easy-going mood you’d let slowly wash over you for the past few hours, but when you look at him, you can’t help but want to tell him everything.

“I just… I’ve only heard bits and pieces about what happened after you graduated. You really… disappeared.”

“Not disappeared,” you say quietly, with grit in your voice. “They just started paying attention to me somewhere else.”

“I paid attention to you,” Poe murmurs. When you catch his eye, he corrects himself. “I mean, we all did.”

You smile sadly, “Yeah, this is different.”

Poe gently knocks your shoulder with his, making you let out a snicker. Glancing over, Poe levels you with a genuine look, with soft eyes and a smile. “I get the feeling you don’t talk about your life often. So, tell me about it.”

He’s right. You never talk about your life, you certainly never regale your story to whoever asks. Doing that requires you to be vulnerable, it requires self-reflection and introspection. It requires you to think about things that you’ve long locked away inside. But… 

“Well, I’m not sure how well you remember, or if you ever noticed but… no one ever really talked to me. Then one day, Ben did. No one ever really talked to him either, so we made a fast pair. He was odd... but he was a real friend to me. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything.”

Poe nods understandably, encouraging you to keep going. 

“We decided to stick together. We got into Imperial University together and got out as quickly as we could. Neither of us… We couldn’t stay here, not with what we planned on doing with our lives. This town… it just wasn’t for us.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot. I get that, too.” Poe takes a drink.

“You do?”

He laughs softly. “Yeah, but that’s a story for another time. Keep going.”

“We learned at school that we worked really well together. Our mentor Snoke realized that, too. He led us, taught us, molded us. He helped us build our company, First Order Tech. He was our first investor, he still sits on the board of directors. Kylo… Ben may be the CEO, but Snoke is still in charge of both of us to this day. It’s our company, we created it from the ground up but… We still bow to him.”

You shake your head. Time for the hard part. Might as well get it out quick and easy.

“Somewhere along the way… I don’t know if it was love. It wasn’t love how it should be - I can tell you that. But, Ben and I… were together. And then he proposed. I don’t think it was because he wanted to. I think he just thought… he was supposed to. Just the natural progression of our lives, I guess.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until the teardrops reach your chin, where they hang heavily before dropping onto your lap. You quickly wipe them away, as Poe once again places a hand on your back, but this time it stays there, his thumb rubbing comfortably back and forth.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“I just,” You sniffle, wiping your nose. _Way to break down just as he was warming up to you, kiddo._ “I’ve never talked about this before, not really. I don’t even think I’ve ever _cried_ over this before.”

“Anyway, I somehow became lucid enough to call it off a few months before the wedding.” 

You sniff wetly and press the backs of your hands to your eyes, your makeup no doubt ruined by now. Poe’s thumb keeps its motion.

“I just wanted it so bad,” Your voice cracks. The lump that had been caught in your throat breaks free in the form of a sob. “I let myself be blind because I…”

Your hands are shaking and tears run freely down your face.

“I wanted to be loved. And I thought that’s how I would get it. But I woke up.” 

You drop your hands onto the table, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You clench your fists and your voice no longer trembles.

“And I’m glad I did. We’re both better people for it.”

Only now do you chance a look at Poe. You had kept your gaze down, too scared to find what his expression might be, too scared to read his thoughts on his face. But his hand had stayed planted, comforting you. That had to mean something, right?

Looking up, you see only his warm gaze that had assured you deeply enough to get you talking in the first place. It carries a sadness, a kind of worry in the crease between his slightly upturned brows. But you find no disgust. No pity. 

“I wish I knew what to say.”

You chuckle wetly, “You don’t have to say anything. I understand that it’s a lot.”

His hand makes a broad stroke across your back as he leans in once again. 

“There’s actually a lot of things I want to say, but I’m sure you’d hate all of them considering they all sound like condescending things your mom has probably said to you over the years.”

A genuine laugh bubbles out of you at this, a bright smile pulling up your wet mascara stained cheeks. Seeing this, Poe can’t help a smile of his own.

“Things like ‘you’re so brave’ and ‘you poor thing’?” You giggle.

He chuckles, “Yeah something like that, the usuals.”

“Well thank you for sparing me.”

“No problem.” He pauses for a moment. “But really, thank you for telling me.”

He sounds like he means it.

“Thank you for listening, Poe.”

And so do you.

You sit like that just for a moment, gazing at each other. You take in the small details, admiring the creases around his eyes, the shape of his jaw, the curls in his hair. He seems to be taking you in as well, his eyes flickering across your features. You see them linger on the stains of your cheeks, turning your head away subconsciously. 

“Ready to go?” He asks softly. 

You smile and nod, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

You wobble just a bit as you get up from your seat, but Poe’s hand is still there to steady you. It stays there as you walk to the door. Stepping out into the cold, you instinctively huddle against him, a move he readily accepts as you walk.

“I’m not always a sad drunk, I promise.”

You feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs gently at your small joke.

“Don’t worry. I believe you.”

The ride is comfortably silent, except for the low hum of the radio as you drive. Pulling up to your house, you want to say something, do something, to thank him for what he did tonight. For driving you home, for listening to you and comforting you as you practically sobbed in his arms, for coming to the bar at all, supposedly just because you were there. 

But you don’t do anything.

“I’ll see you around,” is all you say. 

You hear him swallow as he nods. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you.”

When you finally slink upstairs and collapse in your bed, you still feel the phantom touch of Poe’s hand across your back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii guys :)
> 
> first off I wanna thank everyone SO much for all their kinds words and comments that I never responded to out of shame. they filled me with so much love and really helped keep my determination to keep going. I just felt so bad about showing my face without a new chapter in hand so i just... didnt show my face :/
> 
> im still here and this fic will haunt me til it's done so even if its not til christmas 2030, this fic WILL get done someday
> 
> and to any new faces: welcome aboard and thanks for reading! <3
> 
> 2020 was so so hard and I'm determined to make this year better and I hope you'll all join me in that.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


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